Endless December (Sleepless November Saga Book 2) Read online

  By Kelsey Clayton

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2019 by Kelsey Clayton

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of quotations in a book review. For more information, address: [email protected]

  First paperback edition. April 2019

  Book design by Kelsey Clayton

  ISBN 9781797903132

  www.kelseyclayton.com

  Dedicated to my mother.

  I miss you more than words

  can say. Rest easy.

  Contents

  Dedicated to my mother.

  Preface

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Author Note

  Preface

  He walked into the room like it was his own. I guess, technically, it was. His confidence was always something I admired about him. The way he could reach in and grab your attention, whether you were willing to give it to him or not – it was mesmerizing. His emerald eyes reminded me of spring. A time when we were happier, letting days turn to nights while wrapped up in each other – not knowing where one body stopped and the other began. But those days are long gone. Now all I have left of him are the memories, and an ending that may wind up being the biggest regret of my life.

  Chapter 1

  Iwalk down the hallway, holding my phone to my ear but not listening to the voice coming through it. As I enter my room, Bree is already there. She runs toward me, hugging me excitedly. I return the sentiment, then put up one finger, indicating for her to hold on.

  "Mom, I have to go. Bree's here."

  She sighs. "Okay, well promise me you'll stick to your recovery."

  "I promise." I reply, trying to sound discreet.

  "And if you feel like you may relapse, call me and I'll come there as soon as I can."

  "That's really not necessary."

  "Kayleigh." She warns. "I mean it."

  I roll my eyes. "Okay, mom."

  "I love you."

  "Love you, too."

  I hang up the phone and toss it on my bed, happy that's over with. All summer it's been as if she finally decided to act like a mother. Funny, it took her daughter getting a drug addiction and starving herself for her to give a shit.

  Summer vacation was nothing like I thought it would be. The first eight weeks were spent in inpatient rehab, and the three after that consisted of outpatient therapy every other day. My mom and step-father took extreme precautions, only letting me out of the house with supervision. Thank God for Emily. She spent almost every day cooped up in my room with me.

  Therapy has been helpful though. It's taught me that my addictions are something that will never fully go away. They're always going to be looming in the back of my mind, ready to come back at the slightest slip up. I need to stay consciously aware of my actions in order to remain in recovery. My mother made it crystal clear that if I mess up once, they'll be pulling my tuition and making me come home. Needless to say, I refuse to let that happen.

  "How was your summer?!" Bree asks. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

  I chuckle. "It was 12 weeks, but who's counting?"

  The two of us catch up while unpacking, though it’s not like we didn't text this summer – well, when I had my phone, anyway. It's refreshing to be back here, away from the prying eyes of my parents watching my every move. I feel like I can breathe again.

  Bree gushes about her new boyfriend. One of the guys she met in class last year started messaging her over the break. He even went to visit her, making their relationship official only a few weeks ago. It's some junior named Carson.

  "I want to meet him." I tell her.

  "You will! He's coming by tonight." She responds happily.

  BY THE TIME WE'RE done putting everything away, Bree mentions having to go to the registrar's office. Apparently taking five classes this semester isn't enough for her. She wants to add another. I agree to go with her, not really wanting to be alone just yet.

  The two of us walk down sidewalk as the warm breeze blows through our hair. It's warm enough to not need a jacket, but cold enough to not be uncomfortable - the perfect weather for jeans and a tank top. One thing I've learned in counseling, is to enjoy the little things. So, that's exactly what I'm doing.

  I wait as Bree adds the class to her schedule. Thankfully, it doesn't take long. She already knew exactly which one she wanted to register for, cutting down more than half the waiting time. When she's finished, the two of us walk out the door.

  "How about you leave decisions to me, and you just work on recruiting pledges."

  I freeze, knowing exactly who that voice belongs to. The same voice I haven't heard since the day he dropped me off at rehab. No matter how many times he tried to see me, I wouldn't budge.

  "Miss Jacobs? You have a visitor." The nurse tells me.

  I look at her from where my head rests on the tear soaked pillow. "Who is it?"

  She glances down at the chart. "Holden Rivers."

  I roll over, facing away from the door. "Tell him to leave."

  "Are you sure? This is the third time this week he's tried to see you."

  "I don't want him here. Please, just tell him to go."

  After about the seventh time of refusing his visit, he finally stopped trying. John mentioned at one point that he went home. It didn't surprise me. He could only stay for so long. One thing I hadn't expected, however, was the lack of messages from him when I got my phone back. I'm sure he knew when I was getting out, but still, he never reached out.

  I turn, looking around until my eyes spot the silky brown hair. It's styled up in a quiff, kept away from his forehead. He looks different, a little tired even. His face is scruffier than I remember, but he's still the same Holden. Just as his eyes meet mine, a girl walks up to him. He breaks the eye contact with me to look at her, smiling before putting his arm over her shoulders. My heart sinks at the sight.

  "You know, you still never told me what happened with you two." Bree mentions.

  I sigh. "It's a long story."

  It's really not, I just haven't thought of what to tell anyone. I mean, it's not like I'm itching for people to know I'm a recovering drug addict. I just haven't thought of a good enough excuse, yet.

  "I heard he's president of Kappa Delta Phi now, and captain of the hockey team."

  I admire his smile from afar, missing when it used to be directed at me. Even from way back here, I can tell he still has his irresistible charm.

  No, Kayleigh. Don't go there.

  "That doesn't surprise me." I reply.

  Holden says goodbye to the gro
up of people, leading the girl he's with away. She's getting dirty looks from every jealous girl around, but she seems unaffected. As they walk past Bree and I, Holden looks at me and winks.

  "Ugh." I groan as soon as they are out of earshot. "What the hell did I see in him?!"

  Bree laughs, linking her arm with mine. "Honey, I've been asking myself that same question for a while now."

  AS SOON AS MY class lets out, I rush through campus, excited for my first shift back at Dolce. I think out of everyone, I've missed Dawson the most. My life has felt empty without his sarcastic wit and snappy comebacks.

  I push through the doors of the coffee house, immediately looking for the blue-eyed boy. He spots me first and runs over, wrapping me in a bear hug and catching me off guard.

  "I missed you!" I giggle happily.

  "Duh, who wouldn't?" He quips before smiling. "I missed you, too. How are you?"

  My eyes soften. "I'm good, really."

  "Good. I was worried about you."

  I smile sadly and shrug, knowing we can't really talk about it here. I go into the bathroom, changing into my uniform and stuffing my clothes into my bag. When I come back out, I take an apron and toss it over my head. Dawson does the same.

  "Tie mine?" He asks.

  I roll my eyes playfully. "You're probably the only person I know who can't tie something behind your back."

  He chuckles. "Doubtful. It's backwards and unnatural. You're just weird."

  The girls from the shift before us take off, leaving Dawson and I to deal with the crowd. The constant line of people hardly gives us any time to catch up, and I find myself willing time to pass faster so him and I can talk. I really need to vent.

  Halfway through our shift, a loud motorcycle pulls up out front. A guy in a brown leather jacket and black helmet climbs off it.

  "Who is that?!" I question out loud.

  Dawson comes over and stands next to me. "Your next beau, I'm guessing?"

  I hum contently, checking him out from head to toe. He's tall, and I can tell from where his jacket is open, he's muscular. There is something familiar about him I can't put my finger on. He turns away as he takes his helmet off.

  "It's not..." As he turns around, I find myself looking directly at Holden. "Fuck."

  Dawson starts cackling hysterically, gripping onto the counter to try to keep himself from falling over. "I'm sorry. That's just too good!"

  I narrow my eyes at him, biting my lip to keep away my laughter. My expression only causes him to laugh harder. That's one thing I've missed about him. He's never been afraid to tell it like it is.

  The door chimes, signaling it was opened. I look away from Dawson to find Holden standing at the counter.

  Okay, Kayleigh. Game face.

  "How can I help you?" I ask stoically.

  In typical Holden fashion, he isn’t phased. "Hey." He breathes, smiling softly.

  How is it that we can go the entire summer without talking, and yet he still has the power to turn me into a puddle of mush? Everything about him is like a drug to me – and I crave it. The way his eyes bore into mine, and that irritating smirk. Wait, that smirk.

  Fuck. He knows I'm checking him out.

  I open my mouth to speak, when a girl interrupts me.

  "Holden, over here!" She calls.

  Both our heads turn towards the voice. It's the same girl I saw him with yesterday. Her short brown hair and skin tight clothing don't really seem like his type, but I guess people change. He nods once before turning back to me.

  "Excuse me." He says simply, and walks over to her.

  Dawson appears next to me. "I was going to ask if you two have talked, but I guess I don't need to."

  I exhale – the sight of Holden with his new girl makes me sick. I swallow down the lump in my throat before pushing myself away from the counter and finding something to occupy my time. I settle on switching out the coffee grinds and brewing a new pot.

  After forty minutes of socializing with his girlfriend and her friends, Holden voices that he has to go. For a second, I wonder if he's going to try talking to me, but he doesn't. Though, right before he walks out the door, he turns to Dawson.

  "Hey man. There's a party tonight at Kappa Delta Phi. Everyone's invited."

  Dawson nods. "Cool, thanks. I'll let you know."

  I don't miss the look Holden gives me before he pushes the door open and walks out. I watch as he pulls his helmet over his head and sits on the bike. The engine roars to life, loudly catching everyone's attention. With one last glance toward the coffee house, he pulls out onto the street and rides away.

  "So, are we going to that party?" Dawson asks quietly.

  I take a deep breath. "Yeah, I think we are."

  Chapter 2

  Iinterlace my fingers with Bree's and grab onto the back of Dawson's shirt. There are many things I want to do, but ending up alone at this party is not one of them. Dawson leads the way. We do our best to dodge the sweaty bodies between the front door and the kitchen. The familiarity of the house is bittersweet.

  "Beer?" Dawson asks Bree and me.

  I shake my head while Bree nods. He goes off to get the two of them a beer, coming back quickly with two foam covered cups. Amateur.

  "You're not drinking?" Bree asks.

  Dawson's eyes widen slightly as he realizes. "Nah. I have an early class tomorrow." It's not exactly a lie.

  As much as I try to stay calm and just enjoy being back here, I can't. I keep finding myself looking around for Holden. He should be here. After all, he is the one that invited us.

  "Your desperation is showing." Dawson says lowly into my ear.

  I narrow my eyes at him. "I'm not desperate."

  He chuckles softly. "Maybe not in general, but for a certain green-eyed jock you are."

  "Psht." I try. "I am not. I'm so over him."

  Dawson and Bree share a look before laughing hysterically. I roll my eyes as I giggle. No one in their right mind would believe what just came out of my mouth. If anything, I only made it worse.

  "You're so cute." Bree tells me, patting my head like a puppy. She pulls out her phone, smiling happily when she sees a new message. "Oh, Carson's here. I'll be right back."

  As soon as she's gone, Dawson turns to me. "If you miss him so much, why don't you try getting back with him?"

  I sigh. I'm about to respond when something catches my eye.

  Holden.

  He's standing at the bottom of the stairs, with his arm wrapped around the same girl from earlier. He's introducing her to some people as she leans into his side.

  "That's why." I answer, gesturing behind him.

  Dawson turns around, and as soon as he sees him, his smile drops. It's clear to anyone here that Holden has moved on. The reality of it makes me feel sick.

  Great job, Kayleigh. You went and fucked up the one good thing you had going for you.

  I will myself to calm down, absolutely refusing to cry in the middle of a crowded party. Dawson looks at me intently.

  "Are you okay? Do you want to leave?" He questions, his hand on my arm.

  "Don't be silly." I reply.

  Maybe I should have put more thought into this. A party my second night back at school, still freshly out of rehab – it wasn't the smartest idea. I refuse to let him win though, and leaving now would be exactly that.

  Bree comes back with Carson a few moments later, and Dawson declares that we have enough people to play beer pong. I smile, grateful for the distraction, and the four of us make our way to the backyard. Jason and Caleb are coming inside just as we're walking out.

  "Kayleigh!" Caleb shouts happily, embracing me in a tight hug.

  "H-hey." I stutter. I’m not sure what they know about the break up.

  Caleb releases me and I hug Jason as well.

  "I want to catch up, but I've got something I have to do right now." Caleb says, looking distracted. "Find me later, okay?"

  I nod, and let Dawson lead me out to the beer pong table
with a promise that he'll drink all the beer.

  FIVE GAMES AND THREE victories later, Dawson and I are deemed the beer pong champions. Well, at least when it comes to Bree and Carson. I peek over at where Holden is standing, looking away as soon as we make eye contact.

  Shortly after the first game we played, he and his girlfriend ended up out here as well. Despite being with her, the two of us have been stealing secret glances at each other for the past hour and a half. I try not to overthink it. He's probably just surprised I came.

  "Rivers! Come help me with the fire!" Caleb yells across the yard.

  Holden complies, leaving his girlfriend to help set up the massive bonfire in the middle of the yard. Slowly, everyone starts to move. Some are leaving, while others are moving toward the pit. This has always been the wind down part of these parties.

  "It's almost one. Do you guys want to stay or call it a night?" Dawson questions, mainly looking at me.

  "Leaving so soon?" A voice behind me speaks. Bree's eyes widen as she looks from Holden to me. I take a deep breath, trying to tame my anxiety.

  "Hey." Dawson says, lightly bro-hugging him.

  Next Holden moves to hug Brianna. She smiles happily, but I know her well enough to know it's fake.

  "Holden, this is my boyfriend Carson." Bree introduces them.

  "Nice to meet you, man. You've got a good girl here." Holden greets him. Carson nods and smiles at Bree.

  The awkward tension becomes overwhelming as Holden turns to me.

  "Hey." He breathes, hesitantly going in for a hug.

  I allow him to wrap his arms around me, placing my hands lightly on his back. "Hi."

  There is an obvious difference between his embrace with Bree, and this one with me. He squeezes, rubbing my back as he inhales deeply. It's almost as if he never wants to let go. As we both pull away, Dawson and Bree are looking at us with confusion.

  "Get it, Rivers!" Caleb yells from the fire pit.

  My face turns red as a few people chuckle, including Dawson and Bree. Holden glares at Caleb and flips him off, while I look around to see everyone looking at me. Some are confused, while others, like the girl Holden has been spending his time with, seem angry.